September 21st, 2026
The city of Santa Monica, long resistant to the establishment of chain restaurants, has recently changed its policy, allowing a Raising Cane’s to open on Third Street Promenade. While the hope was that these established brands could fill empty storefronts and revitalize foot traffic in the once-bustling tourist district, city councilmembers may be coming to regret their decision, as their first foray into fast food has resulted in the introduction of the warped homunculus of a recently-deceased American icon.
Today, any visitor to the Promenade will be greeted by multiple images and cardboard cutouts of the late Chuck Norris. As the star of countless classic films, there is no shortage of images to pull from. However, most will quickly deduce that this campaign is not based on archival imagery, but instead new “artwork” created by an image generator and powered by artificial intelligence. All the telltale signs are present: lazy eyes, missing fingers, and wholly unappetizing food.
While a useful learning experience for young children to first experience the uncanny valley, ethical questions remain surrounding the utilization of celebrity likeness in this way. While Mr. Norris’s family did consent to this campaign, Chuck himself could not, which may explain why guests have reported hearing quiet pleading emanating from the images, begging to “release [his] soul from this mortal coil.”
No matter the moral qualms one may have about trapping spirits in perverse iconography, the off-putting nature of these advertisements calls into question the viability of future chain restaurants in the area. A Taco Bell Cantina is slated to open next, likely bringing an equally-horrifying AI interpretation of what could be either a chihuahua or a naked mole-rat with it.
Wavepool reporters will be standing by with vomit bags to gauge the public’s reception to this next monstrosity.
By Baker Jones