August 27th, 2026
Santa Monica’s “community activists” are in disarray this week after the City Council announced their intent to purchase properties in the area and convert them into short-term housing for unhoused members of the community.
“This is some of the most expensive property in the world, and I’d rather it be reduced to ash than have a disenfranchised individual as a neighbor,” said Richard Cockhold, a resident who purchased his home in 1970 for $90,000 and is now priced at over $10 million; “I’m already afraid of going outside in case I see one of those bums, and giving them a place to stay will only attract more of them. They should do the respectful thing and just die from exposure.” Mr. Cockhold made it clear that he would rally opposition to any proposed development, and that if that didn’t work he could always resort to domestic terrorism.
Richard declined to comment when asked whether he was aware that placing people inside would mean seeing less homeless people and likely increase the value of his property, opting to instead amble over to the nearest liquor store, asking what the most flammable bottles were.
By Baker Jones