August 20th, 2026
The LA mayoral race is heating up, as candidates Karen Bass and Nithya Raman participated in their first and last debate before election day. The Sherman Oaks chapter of the Kill All Poors Association (KAPA) moderated the discussion, touching on a range of topics, from what the candidates planned to do with poor people to how they planned to sabotage public works projects.
Or so we assume, as the event was held nowhere near the city of LA and was only broadcast on gramophones, two-way radios, telegraphs, and other outdated technology. One may wonder why one of the largest cities in the United States does not get to witness its mayoral debate; a pessimist may conclude that both candidates have mutually agreed to avoid the public due to their lack of popular policies. But the answer is obvious: Sherman Oaks KAPA members represent a major voting block, as they are the only individuals wealthy enough – and with enough spare time – to actually vote. As such, Mayor Bass made sure to highlight that every KAPA member has her personal contact information, and is available day or night to carry out personal favors, no matter its effect on her other constituents.
The Westside Wavepool reached out for comment, but were advised that carrier pigeon responses may take up to two weeks.
By Baker Jones