September 30th, 2026
The legal world has been shaken by a novel new defence strategy: Fraser Michael Bohm, on trial for four counts of murder and vehicular manslaughter resulting from a devastating crash in Malibu that took the lives of four Pepperdine students, has claimed that the 12-pound can of nitrous oxide found in his vehicle after the collision had already rendered him braindead, thus absolving him of any responsibility in connection with the crime. After all, how can someone without higher brain function knowingly endanger others?
The stunning argument was delivered by Bohm’s lawyer, Alan Jackson, while Bohm perfectly exemplified their claim with his signature dead-eyed stare. Jackson, a Pepperdine alum famous for representing obviously guilty parties, also carted in 12 pounds of nitrous canisters to reinforce his point, alluding to how much brain damage Bohm must have already suffered by the time the crash took place.
In conjunction with Bohm’s white privilege, this claim may yet prove effective. Jackson’s track record of muddying the waters has worked before, and we cannot forget that Bohm is a wealthy male college athlete with nitrous-induced brain damage: a jury may find his life to simply be of more value than four innocent young women. In a world where automotive violence is an unavoidable part of life, a jury may be sufficiently desensitized to this tragedy.
By Baker Jones