By Baker Jones
Soccer fans have descended upon the west coast, determined to see the best of what this year’s FIFA host country has to offer. The Hollywood sign, Walk of Fame and various filming locations are all flooded with the brightly-colored jerseys of teams from around the world.
But for those visiting the beautiful beaches and boardwalks of Santa Monica, a lucky few have been blessed with a once-in-a-lifetime experience; being stalked and devoured by an apex predator.
“I’ve always wanted to give one a pet,” said Lucas Costa, a Socceroo’s fan, as his limp body was dragged down a local alley in the jaws of the big cat. “There’s just something so interesting about a wild animal trying to survive in its natural habitat, even if we have paved over it for our nice shiny cars.”
Particular attention has been given to Santa Monica’s mountain lions after a recent sighting in a Montana Avenue resident’s backyard made global headlines. It is believed that the new food source of unwitting tourists has provided a steady diet for this population for the first time in years, in turn increasing the frequency of encounters.
“I can’t believe the weather here!” said Lucas, as his cougar carrier hauled him out of earshot, and towards the Santa Monica Mountains. We will update this story as the situation develops.